5 unexpected things people will do with the Apple Watch

Hint: Most of them have to do with naughty stuff using the Taptic interface.

apple-watch-release-date-578-80The world is awash with analysis of the Apple Watch. The best round-up is probably Hoodinke’s review from a watch guy’s perspective, Anandtech hasn’t done a teardown, so we don’t know what exactly goes into the guts.

The health applications will drive a lot of people to the device (I’ve held off buying a tracker). Doctors may end up recommending it to track patient health.

But it’s the “Taptic” engine will make or break the watch. Either the world loves it, or we hate it. And I suspect the use cases will be legion. Including:

  1. Taptic Booty calls: Yes, soon you’ll be sending one tap, pause, two tap sequence, instead of “U up?”.
  2. Taps in class: Yep, high school kids are going to use it to pass notes in class. We may see a resurgence in morse code and then boy-scouts may get some play!
  3. Someone will use it as a vibrator: That is, if one of the beta-testers hasn’t already done it. Perhaps the male use case is why Apple is offering the Milanese bracelet with self-adjusting magnetic closure…
  4. Tapped in church: Yep, people are going to get together to be tapped by Jesus.
  5. It’ll revolutionize the phone sex industry: Yes, expect to see offers to drive your taptic engine to a happy ending.

How cute, Tim Cook thought we’d be sending each other heartbeats. Someone should clue him in, we’re far more creative than that.